How do you define self-love?
We all know about self-love by now and are aware that it should be at the tip-top of our priority list, but what does self-love really look like?
It doesn’t have to be the cliche bubble baths, nights filled with face masks and wine, or a shopping spree that will put you into debt. Don’t get me wrong, you should definitely still do those things if they bring you happiness (maybe not the debt part), but what do we really need in order to truly love ourselves more?
Self-love boils down to one thing: how we treat ourselves. This is also a direct reflection of how we allow others to treat us, which then affects all of our relationships, even the one with yourself.
Our brains are hardwired to think of ourselves from a place of lack, or as if we need to achieve this (honestly) unachievable level of attractiveness or successfulness. The truth of the matter is: hating ourselves is not by nature; it is taught, and it can be unlearned.
In a society built on the idea of there always being something wrong with us, or something that we need to “fix”, can we sit with the idea that our bodies are perfect just as they are? Can we fully accept ourselves, just as we are in this very moment, and let go of any ideas of what might need to change?
One of our favorite poems to help us reconnect with our true selves is by Hollie Holden, an amazing poet, self-love advocate, and mother (just to name a few!)
It goes:
Today I asked my body what she needed,
Which is a big deal
Considering my journey of
Not Really Asking That Much.
I thought she might need more water
Or protein.
Or greens.
Or yoga.
Or supplements.
Or movement.
But as I stood in the shower
Reflecting on her stretch marks,
Her roundness where I would like flatness,
Her softness where I would like firmness,
All those conditioned wishes
That form a bundle of
Never-Quite-Right-Ness,
She whispered very gently:
Can you just love me like this?
(read more of her work here)
To truly love and accept ourselves in our most vulnerable state is the epitome of self-love, in our opinion. And our most vulnerable state is…us, just as we are.
Try to speak to yourself the way you would a dear friend, no matter the instance.
How would you react to them expressing an insecurity? Comparing themselves to another person? Dealing with difficult emotions?
Can you hold the space for yourself the exact same way you would hold space for this friend?
Being able to talk to ourselves lovingly is how we find our power. Negative thoughts have the ability to linger in our minds, often manifesting in how we believe others perceive us before they even truly know anything about us. And 99% of the time, these assumptions that we think others have about us aren’t even true! It’s just us projecting our own insecurities onto them. Not accepting ourselves for who we are. Thinking there must be something wrong with us, and wondering how could anyone possibly like us or even love us?
You are not hard to love. You just aren’t. And that is something you have to come to terms with. Have you ever told yourself, “I love you”? It might feel weird or awkward at first, but if we can’t say it to ourselves, how can we accept those words from another and truly believe it?
You can be loved and not love yourself, but it may not resonate as deeply if you don’t feel it towards yourself first. Self-love is our first love. Not a boy or girl who you meet at the right place, wrong time; a love story that ends in despair. You are your first love. This journey is your love story. Accepting yourself is the fairytale ending.
Warmly,
Team Toccare